El Gaffney

We’re All Weird Al: Bachelorette Edition

I love me some Weird Al. Always have. Waiting for that side 1 to side 2 transition on my “Even Worse” cassette tape. Classic. He’s inspired me to do some lyric customization of my own – mostly for welcomes, beefs or farewells back at Wieden.

As you might imagine, I was excited to see my friend Sarah doing the same for her Bachelorette finale party last week. Unfortunately I missed the ideal window to post because I was moving. However, I figure it’s relevant enough today given the Bachelor Pad premiere tonight. Without further ado, here’s “Runaway (from Ashley)”:

(Set to Kanye West’s “Runaway”)

And I rarely find, yeah, I rarely find this much wrong
But JP’s been puttin’ up wit’ her laugh just way too long
With her it’s so easy to find what Ben wouldn’t like the most
So I think it’s time for William to have a roast

Let’s have a toast for the midriff,
Let’s have a toast for that forehead,
Let’s have a toast for the short skirts,
Every one of them that she wears
Let’s have a toast to the perfaaaaact
That never stops hurting my brain
Chris Harrison, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can

She find warnings in her emails
Money sent a picture of that d*ck.
I don’t know what it is with females
But Ashley’s not too good with that sh*t.
See, she could have a West or a Mickey
And still be addicted to them Bentleys
And I just blame everything on her
At least you know there’s nothing she’s good at

See, I rarely find and I rarely find
Yeah, I rarely find this much wrong
But we’ve been puttin’ up with her face just way too long
This season’s so easy to find what I don’t like the most
So I think it’s time for William to have a roast

Let’s have a toast for the black mask,
Let’s have a toast for Ry’s hand hearts,
Let’s have a toast for the Ames fans,
Every one of them that I know
Let’s have a toast to Constantine
Who wouldn’t even take that room key
ABC, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can

R-r-ru-ru-ru-run away
Run away from Ashley

Always been such a TV romantic,
I just love the faux sense of intimacy.
And I know this girl’s done damage,
’cause the screech in her voice is killing me,
I guess we’ve got another advantage
’cause we could blame Brad for everything.
And I don’t know how I’m a manage,
If one day Ashley’s back on the screen…
Oh, I haven’t cared in so long
We been puttin’ up with the insecurity just way too long
With her it’s so easy to find what I don’t like the most
So I think it’s time for William to have a roast

Let’s have a toast for that long hair,
Let’s have a toast for frontal rub-downs,
Let’s have a toast for Asian love spots,
Every one of them that I know
Let’s have a toast to the Bach Pad
That I really can’t wait for
Chris Harrison, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can

Tags: bachelorette, celebs, realitytv, weird al

I’m Not Blogging to Make Friends

Actually that’s not true at all. But as an admitted reality TV addict, most of you know by now this type of compilation (can we call it a montage, Team America?) is right up my alley…

Quick shout-out to the Real World Hollywood crew for becoming friends even without being polite…and in the process putting on quite a show. (Yes, all 9 of you.) Half shout-out to Jesse (or as I like to call him, Travis from Clueless), who was able to make friends and win DeAnna’s hand in marriage on this season of The Bachelorette. Zero shout-out to Kristy for making friends but then deciding she didn’t like winning Tila’s heart.

That was therapeutic. Please be my friend.

Tags: blogging, realitytv

Inbox of Immaturity: Back-to-Back

As one week of immaturity ends, another one begins. This is totally up my alley and hopefully will be up yours as well. Yeah, up yours. While watching Jason perform on Celebrity Rap Superstar annoys me to no end, Justin Bobby does quite the opposite. So you can imagine my excitement to find a JB and Audrina spoof by real actors!

I have been back this site since The Landlord skit that basically launched it, but you can be sure I’ll be checking back in with FunnyorDie soon.

And lastly, may as well remind you all here that the season Finale for A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila is Tuesday night at 10PM. There’s a show that will certainly help make the point of the video above. We all need those writers back working.

Tags: celebrities, ioi, realitytv

Inbox of Immaturity

I’ve been too busy watching A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila to post my immaturity. You can have too much of a good thing apparently. Good luck to Dani. Sorry Amanda and Bobby, but T-squared deserves the best of both worlds. That didn’t come out right. You know what I mean though. Actually, you probably don’t…and you’re definitely better off for it. She’s just cool. Anyway, another excuse I have for letting the IOI slip is: I’ve been studying. Nope, not for the GMAT’s or LSAT’s or Jeopardy (What is quiche…anyone?); rather, I’ve been studying my maths…the math of rap, that is!

This is almost as good as The Village Voice’s breakdown of This is Why I’m Hot: Rap Charts. A sneak peak of what you’ll find (a couple of the more tame lyrics):


Wow. I really can enjoy that all day. But anyway, a few more links for the rock or folk music fans…
-This is not for trendy mustache wearers: Beards Rule
-This new sport may not catch on: Binocular Soccer
-This customer complaint is classic: Jimmy Dean Call
-This is a coldblooded prank: Cardinals Game
-This is for the margarita-loving and advertising-recalling New Yorkers: Dell Dude’s New Gig

Those should hold you over for a while. Peace.

Tags: ioi, realitytv

Flavor of Roast

Yes, I indeed watched the Roast of Flava Flav last night.

Greg Giraldo killed it.
(Hurry up and watch before Comedy Central snags it back.)

Anyway, I have to say I really enjoyed it. I also have to wonder if media planners could account for the fact that this same dude (and potential target) was going to watch the U.S. Open but in looking for USA channel went through programming lists and saw this and decided to just assume that Roddick would win.

Some random observations:
-Roasting of Flav = Roasting of everyone on Stage. While it is standard proceedure to stick it to everyone in the spotlight, the roasters spent very little time on Flava Flav. I was wondering if it’s because they didn’t know him that well (enought to make jokes or predict his reactions) or didn’t think he deserved to really be roasted.
-Though there is certainly a bit of Roasted by association. Every Brigitte Nielsen zinger was an “oh, snap!” moment where you’d divert your attention and embarrassment to Flav. Problem was, then you were embarrassed for him and a bit grossed out in general and then looked at Carrot Top, who just confused you and so you’d find safe haven in Patton Oswalt but would try and remember his name and get embarrassed and annoyed, so would look to Ice Tea who frightened you a bit,
-Also got me thinking about who is the best type of person to roast? Past roastees include Pam Anderson, Denis Leary, and Jeff Foxworthy. This one was my favorite because of the random assembly of comics, the inability to identify with Flav in any way, and also how he became an empathetic character but you never felt so sorry for him that the jokes crossed the line (the way you did with Denis Leary who, while he’s a comedian so should be more able to take it, has real problems).
-That made me think about how “It’s funny because it’s true” is a weird statement. So is it’s sad because it’s true.
-Regardless of what you think of him, you cannot deny that Flav has a great sense of humor. Or at the very least likes to laugh.
-And finally, execution matters as much as or more than strategy. While many of the Comedian-roasters chose the same key areas to make their jokes—Flav’s darkness and nastiness, Lisa L.’s love of black men, Jimmy Kimmel’s luck, Kat Williams’ height, Carrot Top’s lack of talent, Brigitte N.’s amazonian manliness, Snoop’s love of the sticky-icky, and Ice Tea’s age, etc.—only some connected. This was based on creativity and timing (not just comic, but when you went in order of comedians). That said, I was impressed how many ways they could insult Brigette’s manliness but the seemed to have difficulties finding new, funny ways to joke about Snoop’s smoking habit. All in all, if you like the clip above, you may want to peep the rest on repeat.

Tags: comedy, flavaflav, realitytv, roasts